Verse 1
We clocked on sharp at seven,
With a flask and a bacon roll,
Sergeant said, “Now listen lads,
We’ve got to keep control.
There’s villains down by Woolworths,
There’s trouble near the Rec,
But don’t get too heroic, boys,
We’re home before they’re wrecked.”
Chorus
We’ve got to finish by tea-time,
Get the paperwork done,
Catch the crook, book the van,
Then be gone before the fun.
For when the light starts fading
And the pubs begin to roar,
The real scallywags come crawling out
And we don’t want any more.
Verse 2
Old Doris lost her handbag,
Young Kev nicked half a pie,
A man in socks and sandals
Tried to sell us one glass eye.
There’s a dog loose near the station,
There’s a bike without a bell,
And someone’s painted rude words
On the door of the church hall.
Chorus
We’ve got to finish by tea-time,
Get the paperwork done,
Catch the crook, book the van,
Then be gone before the fun.
For when the light starts fading
And the pubs begin to roar,
The real scallywags come crawling out
And we don’t want any more.
Middle Eight
There’s law and order in the morning,
There’s justice before noon,
There’s community engagement
With a custard cream and spoon.
But after five the shadows stretch,
And decency gets thin,
So put the kettle on, my son—
We’re not going back in.
Verse 3
The Chief wants crime prevention,
The Mayor wants photo calls,
The press want quotes by lunchtime,
And the drunks want garden walls.
We’ll caution one old chancer,
We’ll nod at one known face,
Then vanish like professionals
From the scene without a trace.
Final Chorus
We’ve got to finish by tea-time,
Get the paperwork done,
Catch the crook, book the van,
Then be gone before the fun.
For when the light starts fading
And the chip shop lights ignite,
The real scallywags come marching out—
And that’s a job for night.
Outro
So polish up the truncheon,
Put the panda car away,
We served the Queen, we served the law,
We served enough today.
The streets may need protection,
But the kettle’s on at three—
And no man fights the forces of crime
On an empty cup of tea.
